Regulator Redux
by QuietLass22
Summary: Lucas encounters an old aquaintance who takes a particular interest in Tony. Meant to be mildly amusing. Quite short. Set in season 2 but it helps if you remember the season 1 episode 'The Regulator'.


Disclaimner - I don't own these characters. Just written for fun and nostalgia. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

Tony Piccolo looked in astonishment at the impressive figure in front of him. The man was tall, with long blonde hair, and was wearing strange black goggles, a wide brimmed hat, and a long fawn overcoat.

"Lovely bit of salvage this, pity it comes complete with occupants" said the stranger.

"It isn't salvage unless it's adrift and abandoned," said Lucas firmly. "We haven't abandoned the shuttle, and we weren't adrift until someone took out our stabilizers."

"Hello Pioneer, we meet again. This is a bit of a complication."

Lucas ignored the greeting. "Why?"

"You know who I am. I'm still officially dead, remember – suicide? Usually I stun em, drop em off in their lifeboats or escape pods and they're none the wiser who's responsible."

"I guess you're really very lucky that Captain Bridger left your anonymity intact. I'll be sure to thank him for you as soon as we get back to Seaquest."

"Ah, but there's no way I can let you go. I have an eager buyer for this particular shuttle, or parts thereof, at least. I guess we might as well go aboard my sub, till I decide what to do with you."

He waved his stun gun towards the airlock.

Tony wasn't going to go quietly. Moving quickly he made a dash through the airlock on to the docked sub, and sprinted for that sub's airlock and access to the open sea. He'd almost made it when the stun gun blast hit him, and he crumpled to the floor.

"Where did he think he was going," the regulator asked Lucas.

"Well I expect he was going to swim for it."

Leslie Farina looked at him like he was mad. "But we're 600 feet down at least."

"Well …" Lucas quickly regretted ever opening his mouth.

* * *

Tony came to and found Lucas sitting beside him looking very dejected. They were in a small cage, suspended by a chain a few feet off the deck of the strange sub.

"Who was that guy?"

"Someone I'm trying hard not to end up like."

"I think I speak for the entire crew when I say we'd be grateful if you didn't. What does he want?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, … but he's gonna love you."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

Lucas didn't answer. Instead he called out. "Hey Verne." Tony's jaw dropped as an Orangutan dressed in pants and a shirt waddled forward from the back of the sub.

"You know this ape?"

"This is Verne. Actually, this is Verne's cage."

"Do you think he minds that we're in here and he's out there".

Lucas gave him a "Would you?" look. Then he reached through the bars and took Verne's hand. Lucas pulled the ape gently towards the cage and lifted his shirt on one side.

"The ape has gills?" Tony was getting louder.

"Well we always knew there were definite similarities."

"Wise guy. I still don't get it, so I have gills and the monkey has gills, so what?"

"Verne's gills don't work. Yours do. Farina thinks that puts you one step further on the evolutionary scale. Wait till he gets to know you better."

Tony decided to do the adult thing and ignore the insults, much as it went against his nature. "Water off a gillman's back, Luke. So what's this all about really?"

"It has to do with his theory of spherical evolution."

"Sver what?"

Lucas groaned. This was going to be the worst part. He took a deep breath. "It's all about circles. The idea is that for mankind to achieve perfection, evolution must complete a perfect circle, and man will evolve back to where he started – in the sea. The Regulator believes that a perfect being will be able to give him the location of the centre of the universe, where he will find perfect harmony." It sounded even more ludicrous than it had the first time he heard the idea. How had he ever admired this guy?

Tony's face was as blank when he finished as it had been when he'd started. "Basically, the guy's a nutcase," He said, deadpan.

"Maybe," said Lucas, thinking 'definitely' was a better answer, "but he wants you to tell him where the centre of the universe is."

"Yeah, right."

"He'll keep us here until you do. He once kidnapped Darwin for the same reason."

"Nice friends you have."

"Just tell him something Tony, anything to get us out of here."

Leslie Farina appeared at the airlock at that moment, having secured their shuttle for towing.

"Hey, Regurgitator," Tony called out, "I thought you might like to know, the world is flat and there's a plughole in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean."

Lucas wrapped his hands around the bars of the cage and began to softly beat his forehead against them. They were going to be here for a very long time.


End file.
